Sick of Being Sick and Pregnant.

You ever have those days where you just want to hide under a rock and if someone finds you down there, you want to kill them very painfully and slowly because they alerted the entire tribe of your wherabouts?

Yeah.

I hate my husband today. Actually, I’ve hated him since he took a second job that we don’t really need for him to have.
“But it’s extra money!”
I don’t give a rats ass about money, I care about family and you being with your family after you’ve spent 8 hours away from home. Especially since all you do when you get home from your normal 8-hour work day is sit on the couch for about half an hour before you go to bed and pass out until the next morning when you wake up for work again.
Yeah I need you to be gone for over 12 hours, so you can come home and just bypass the couch adn go straight to sleep to get up in the morning and leave, while I’m at home doing everything and being mom and your ass, the role of “motherfucking deadbeat dad”.

No wonder your fucking son would rather punch you in the balls than give you a hug.

I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HUG OR KISS YOUR NEGLIGENT ASS EITHER, YOU DICK.

 

So I’ve felt like this for a couple of weeks right?
Well, THIS WEEK I’M SICK.

And I recently found my pregnancy journal from when I was pregnant with S.

My entry for my birthday in 2009:
“-/-/2009 – My Birthday 33 weeks
Left alone at home while Daddy went off to drink with friends. Felt a few random pains, not patterened like Friday.
NOTES: I’m tired of being left alone all the time. I’m 8 months pregnant for God’s sake!”

HISTORY DEFINITELY FUCKING REPEATS ITSELF.

My other journal entries all include his work schedule up until he got laid off like two days before my son was born. 6p-2a every night. Half of them say “Well O was off but he took the 6p-2a shift”, or O asked to work tomorrow but someone called in so he has to work blah blah shift.
Then it was like “I don’t know how they can fire someone they had working over 50hr/week!”
Well a couple of weeks later the business didn’t exist anymore, so that must’ve been why.

Imagine being at home alone all day. LITERALLY ALL DAY. I see O for about 2 minutes when he comes home to change his shirt for the next job. Then when he finally gets home, he goes to sleep.

It’s not like we “need” the money. Sure money is nice, you know what’s nicer?

HAVING A FUCKING FAMILY TO COME HOME TO, WHICH HE WON’T IF HE KEEPS THIS SHIT UP!

There’s a difference between doing all you can to take care of your family, and avoiding going home, which is what I really feel like he’s doing. We don’t need extra money, so avoiding us is the only thing he really can be doing with all this working.

I spent my first pregnancy alone. The difference? I didn’t have to put up witha little shit of a 3 year old being his normal bad self while I’m sick and tire and don’t feel like moving. Not that that would make a difference, since I’ve been a FUCKING SINGLE PARENT SINCE HE WAS BORN AND I SHOULD PROBABLY GET USED TO IT BY NOW.

 

This pregnancy might have been the biggest mistake I ever agreed to in my life and half the time I feel like he only wanted a baby to keep me from leaving him.

 

I hope these feelings go away when I’m back to normal and no sick and stressed.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s